I was passed from family to family before I ever came to be with my mom and dad.  Very little discipline had been in my life, and talk of Jesus and who he is never happened.  My husband, while not in the adoption system, also had an unstable beginning.  He was raised primarily by his grand parents in the first couple of years, and his mother left.  His Dad stepped up after accepting Jesus and raised William the best a single father could.  He was later adopted by his step mom when his father remarried.  His dad and step mom are wonderful people, just like my mom and dad, but the emotional baggage that comes with a child with unconventional beginnings can be hard on any family.

Children in these situations will often develope attatchment problems.  I know for myself, before I was adopted, I associated mother with female.  I called every woman “mommy” because I had no concept of what I mother should be until my mom came into my life.  So I was hard on my mom growing up.  I didn’t know what she really meant to me, and the affect she had on my life until I was much older.  What she taught me, what she showed me about life, and most importantly her faith.

I think about my son through all this.  How he has his mother and his father.  What we will teach him.  What he will see in our lives.  He has a much better start in life than many children get, and even better than my husband or myself ever got.  Does it make a difference?  My husband and I turned out okay.  Will Aidan be better than we were growing up?  Will he love God just as much if not more?  Will he have a greater chance of being successful in life?  Will he get into less trouble?  These are all things running through my head today.

What ever happens, I know he has a great start in life.  He is loved.  He is surrounded by his family.  A family that is not going anywhere, and will be with him his whole life.  A family who loves God.  I know that has got to count for something, and I am so greatful for the life I can give my son.

Overstimulation & Understimulation:

A child’s brain developes much more rapidly than an adults.  From the moment they enter the world, they are learning.  Every sound, every site, every touch, every emotional and physical feeling is teaching them more about the world.  For children with a predisposition to developemental disorders, how quickly or slowly they learn can definitely play a roll in triggering things like ADD and Autism.  Here are some steps we are taking to help our son develope at a healthy rate:

• Use age appropriate toys.  We are avoiding toys with bright lights and noise until Aidan is older.  Just basic colors, shapes and textures for our little two week old.
• Avoid spending too much time in front of the TV.  This one is a toughy but a big one.  I’m not saying don’t watch TV, but if baby is sleeping, put him in another room with a monitor.  If baby is alert, make sure he isn’t propped in front of a TV screen and keep the volume down.  The fast movement and loud noise of the TV may be too much for a developing brain.
• Read and talk to your child.  We try to use a normal voice, not baby talk.  The repetition of words, the soothing sound of our voice, and simply watching our mouth move helps our son develop proper communication skills as he grows.
• Spend time with your child.  It’s easy to let small babies simply spend the day in a crib or bassinet while you work around the house, but they might not be getting the stimulation they need for proper development.  Spend at least a couple of hours a day when baby is awake and alert playing and talking to your baby.  Spend some tummy time on the floor to help him develop his motor skills, and introduce new sites and textures to him with basic toys or items around your house like towels or cups or even the cat! (Assuming your pet is good with baby of course!)  I will touch or kiss parts of my son and say out loud what they are as I do.  “This is your nose. . . ear. . .foot. . .fingers. . . ” etc.  Keep it simple, and have fun with your baby.

Stability:

This area is a bit more vague when it comes to a childs development. I’m not talking about a schedule here, though that can play a part.  I’m talking about a sense of security and discipline.  This is slightly more prevelant for an older child than an infant, but can definitely begin at any age. Personal observation has led me to conclude that children who are diagnosed with Autism and other developmental disorders do much better when a little more stability and discipline are added into thier lives.  Things such as having set times for play or TV, setting time apart for one on one learning even when they are not at school, parents being more consistent with boundaries, all help a child with learning disabilities interact and cope better with the world around them.  So having a certain amount of stability before they start developing autistic traits could help prevent it.  Here are two basic actions you can take to help prevent or help ease symptoms of learning disorders:

• Meet your babies needs.  My son is always hungry right now.  He can some times eat every hour during the day.  This becomes very tiring for me since I’m breast feeding.  But meeting my sons basic needs teaches him to trust that mom and dad will take care of him.  Not meeting basic needs such as hunger, can trigger attachment disorders that sometimes go along with learning disabilities such as ADD and Autism.  If I need a break for a bit, I’ll supplement with a bottle of formula.  I try to avoid doing this too much, but at least his needs are still being met and I can give my body a break for a bit.  The same goes for when your child is cold, dirty, hot, in pain or simply wants attention.  It’s very time consuming to be a parent, but meeting your child’s needs on a consistent basis will help them build proper interaction with those around them.
• Say what you mean and follow through.  This is more for when your child is older.  And it can be very hard to do.  I think discipline is a touchy subject for most parents, but it plays a very important roll in a child’s development.  It affects how they treat those around them, and how they interact with the world.  I’m not going to get into such issues as spanking and time outs just yet, but I think the important thing to realize when it comes to discipline is to keep your word.  If you say they will be punished if they do something, then punish them.  If you say no to something, continue to say no, despite how they may react.  Don’t take back what you say, and stay consistent.  And don’t be afraid to deal out consequences.  I do believe there are age appropriate ways to discipline a child, but letting them get away with inappropriate behavior at any age is very detrimental to their development and can cause behavior and learning problems when their actions are finally challenged later in life.  Discipline is an important part of a child’s development and should not be avoided.  To know what is allowed and not allowed and staying consistent in those boundaries provides a sense of stability and freedom for both parents and child.

In the end, the best thing you can do to help your child develop healthy and normaly is to be a parent.  Spend time with them, and help them learn.  I do not believe you can spoil an infant, and as your child grows spending time with mom and dad will be one of their favorite past times.  You’ll build memories, and help your child develope the learning and communication skills he or she needs in life.  There is no cure for Autism, ADD, or ADHD, and some children will develop these disorders dispite what you try to do to prevent it.  But I know personally, anything I can do to help my child live a healthy normal life is worth every moment.